NextBest Newsletter #90
A story of labour, as they say abroad.
The Next idea is the Best idea.
That’s the motto I live by, which means I’ve got lots of ideas that end up going nowhere. So they’ll end up going here.
They’re going to be rough and embarrassingly bad, but that’s the way it goes. The Next Idea will be better.
Format:
My ideas: A brief synopsis of whatever creative nonsense I’ve put together for the week.
Their ideas: This is the media that I’ve really been rocking with this week.
Action! Not ideas, you NERD: This is more what’s been going on in my life and general update stuff.
Ferb’s advice for life: These are insights from my roommate (pictured). I need to clarify that these are his words and any ideologies shared in this section are not my beliefs.
The Goods: The creative nonsense I’ve put together for the week.
My ideas:
I had a conversation this week with someone about how they love finding a really simple comedic concept for them to base their sketch around. This is not one of those simple concepts.
Their ideas:
Still reading through The Dark Forest. Not much to report here, it’s still pretty good, but just different enough to really catch in my mind as I work through it. I don’t think that’s a good thing, but I’ll report back.
Action! Not ideas, you NERD:
This was a good week, which is very nice. I don’t plan to make a habit of them, but I’ll take them as they come. Weather was delightful, but I did find a dead baby rabbit on my porch this morning. I’m choosing to not read into that.
I was successful in doing some writing this week!
Ferb’s advice for life:
Even if people tell you otherwise, you can hide under the bed whenever you want for as long as you want.
The Goods:
Host: Hi. If you’re just joining us, you’re listening to “only smart people listen” on NPR. I’m interviewing Miles Placid, who has revolutionized the planet with his one of a kind infinite energy machine. Welcome back Miles.
Miles: Thank you for having me.
Host: Now we’ve been talking mostly about what inspired your invention, but now I’d like to talk about the marvel itself. The actual way that the machine operates is a closely guarded secret.
Miles: I mean, how could it not be?
Host: That’s what many of your detractors have brought up. The government has confirmed the validity of your machine, but until the plans are opened to the public, how can we believe this miracle? This isn’t even to speak on the massive lawsuit that has been brought to the public’s attention.
Miles: I don’t think.
Host: The state farm insurance company has sued you for undisclosed reasons that have been raised to the supreme court. Is there anything you can enlighten us on?
Miles: *Pause* I was told you wouldn’t be bringing that up.
Host: How could I maintain my journalistic integrity if I didn’t?
Miles: Well, please enjoy your journalistic integrity because this interview is over. *Shuffling sound as he stands up*
Host: Miles, Miles please.
Miles: Get out of my home.
Host: Miles! *Door slam* We can cut this from the interview *Door open SFX*
Miles: YOU CAN’T BE IN HERE! *Machinery sound*
Host: Oh my god, is this the machine.
*Klaxon*
Robotic voice: Like a good neighbor, state farm is there.
Jake: Hi, I’m Jake from State farm. *Grinding sound*
Host: It’s like a meat processeser.
*Klaxon*
Robotic voice: Like a good neighbor, state farm is there.
Jake: Hi, I’m Jake from State farm. *Grinding sound*
Host: This is how you get the energy for your machine?
Miles: They’re not people! They’re some sort of homunculus.
Host: Like a good neighbor, state farm is there.
Jake: Hi, I’m Jake from State Farm.
*Klaxon with the rest of the process fading out.*
Host: Do you see that?
Jake: That’s pretty upsetting, but not as upsetting as missing out on savings from bundling.
Miles: See?
Host: Thank you Jake.
Jake: No problem. *Spawn out SFX*
Miles: You can’t air this. If the Jake technology gets out there, it will be the end of society as we know it. I tried to use it the most humanitarian way I can, but not everyone will do the same.
Host: Anyone could have an army of Jakes.
Miles: They’d replace us at every job you could think of.
Host: What about the others? Ludacris? Jason Bateman?
Miles: They agree to it somehow. I assume the originals were human, but the ones we summon just… aren’t.
Host: My god. Why would you choose Jake?
Miles: Jimmy Kimmel was my first pick, but he would usually get a quip in before the machine started grinding. It just wasn’t worth it.
Host: oh, I get that.